


I'll never let you fall

by Zockerbestha



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fear of Falling, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21757306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zockerbestha/pseuds/Zockerbestha
Summary: Crowley was used to pain and fear. Nightmares aren't unusual for him either, but now they didn't involve himself getting hurt. No, this was worse.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 84





	I'll never let you fall

Crowley was always used to pain. His fall was full of it, his landing not soft and the pain continued in hell. Not only the physical pain, though he had experienced that more times that he cared to count. But the memory of all that he had lost, his efforts to try and keep the feeling of his mothers love deep inside, _remembering the impossible._

There were times when Crowley could push the pain away, ignoring it more than anything. He was glad to have such a beautiful distraction, his fussy angel.

Well, not _his_ angel, at least not in the sense he would like him to be, but still. Aziraphale was always able to see right through him, not even his trusty shades were capable of hiding his pain from him and sometimes Crowley was glad when the angel offered comfort. But most of the times Crowley would still try and let it slide, he wasn’t worth the worry.

His pain was a constant companion, no use in trying to argue that, so at one point in his life; He didn’t care about himself anymore. But now things were different, now it wasn’t _his_ pain he was concerned about.

After the almost Apocalypse, things had changed between Aziraphale and Crowley. They were free, spending more time than ever with each other, not fearing about the consequences of being discovered anymore. It was new, it was peaceful…and for Crowley, sadly, terrifying.

It began subtle. Crowley was used to having nightmares, some of them didn’t even scare him anymore and he still slept through the nights he chooses to sleep in.

Sometimes he would fall all over again, sometimes he would find himself back in hell, actually being _him_ who was “invited” to take a holy water bath. It was scary, unnerving, yes, but he could get through it, because he knew that this wouldn’t happen, at least not for as long as hell was scarred of him. And he was sure that wasn’t going to change for a long, long while.

But now his dreams were different.

Sometimes he was chained up, tied down and not able to move. Sometimes it was like he was watching a movie, sitting there in his throne like he always did when watching the tv.

Whatever the case, he wasn’t the issue in those dreams anymore.

It was Aziraphale.

Watching in horror, unable to do anything about it, he saw Aziraphale _fall._ His beautiful white wings, that Crowley was often honoured to groom, where burning and bleeding. Each feather grew darker and darker until they were as black as his own. His halo would shatter above his head, the shards beginning to slice through his skin. And probably worst of it all were the agonising screams.

Crowley wanted to turn the volume down, he never wanted to hear his angels voice in such pain. Of course, Crowley wasn’t allowed to wake up at this point. No, he had to watch his beloved fall into the boiling lake of solver at the very bottom of hell, fighting for his life as not to drown. In some dreams Aziraphale didn’t make it to shore and in others he did and crawled over the sharp rocks, the last bit of holiness bleeding out if him; Making him a demon.

That was the end of it. Crowley wasn’t sure if he could have survived seeing his angel as a true demon, walking around hell or worse; Siding with them.

It didn’t matter that it was a dream, because unlike his usual nightmares, when he could just shrug it off, those dream could actually happen at some point. He would always blame himself if Aziraphale would fall.

Crowley loved him. The demon didn’t think he was capable of this feeling anymore, but here he was. Voicing his feelings was always on his mind, he wasn’t _that_ stupid, he could see he wasn’t the only one having them. Aziraphale was always careful to show as little as possible of his love towards the demon.

They needed to keep them away, lock them up if you will, because it was too dangerous. The keyword being; _was._ And it scared Crowley. He could finally have his apple, his _forbidden fruit,_ but then his nightmares came. If Aziraphale didn’t fall for fraternizing, for lying to heaven and advert Armageddon, then loving a demon would certainly do the trick. Crowley was sure of it and so, he suffered through his dreams.

With a loud shout Crowley woke from yet another nightmare. It must have been a painful cry, because he could even _hear_ his plants shaking because of fear at hearing him, and his plants were two rooms over. His breathing was off, far too fast and his blasted heart was beating all the way up, making his head hurt at feeling his pulse throbbing against his skull.

He looked around his dark bedroom, trying to make out where he was, until finally realising it and falling back against the mattress. It took a moment for him to feel how wet he was; Sweating profusely and to his utter dismay; even crying. Not even his corporation was under his control when facing his deepest fear. A last, painful sigh left his lips before he found a bit of peace and calmed down. He let his hands run up his face into his auburn hair, tugging it a little to ground himself. Crowley found cursing to be a way of distracting himself, he could joke around and imagine his angel scolding him for all his profanities.

But after a while he had decided to get up, he knew what he had to do. This was another, for him, unusual side of his nightmares; They didn’t stop when he woke up. His thoughts were chocking him, his ears ringing from his own screams; _What if it wasn’t a dream this time?_

A minor miracle and he was clean and clothed in his usual attire. His trusty sunglasses were slipped into place and he glanced at his reflection in the mirror before leaving his flat.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aziraphale was strangely used to this whole scenario by now. Of course, he didn’t _know_ that Crowley was coming to his bookshop right now, but he was always ready. This was the 8th time his demon would rush into his shop in the middle of the night since the adverted apocalypse.

The angel had already placed two glasses down on his coffeetable in the back room, the wine was opened to breath before being poured. Aziraphale bit his bottom lip, worrying his fingers. Why does Crowley never tell him what is bothering him so much?

He knew what Crowley expected from him when he would arrive and usually Aziraphale would obey, wanting to ease the pain his demon was trying to hide from him, but he decided on the 7th occasion that he would get his answers the next time it would happen and he was determent to do just that.

The bell above the door rang and pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Alright, now is the time” he muttered to himself, straitening his waistcoat and then his bowtie before stepping out from the backroom to greet his friend.

Crowley was wreaked with fear at this point but tried to play it off, as usual, and felt just a little relieved when he saw Aziraphale.

“Crowley, my dear, what a nice surprise” Aziraphale smiled brightly at him.

Both knew that it wasn’t a surprise at all, all this happened often enough until now to hardly be a surprise anymore.

“H-Hey angel” Crowley tired his best at a smile back, but the edges of his lips were wiggling with the struggle to keep it up.

Aziraphale made a gesture towards the backroom, inviting Crowley to get a seat in his usual spot, which Crowley of course obliged without hesitation. When they passed one another, both inhaled the scent of the other, trying not to make it too obvious.

They sat down together, each taking a wine glass in their hand and wordlessly began to drink its content. Aziraphale waited for Crowley to ask him, he saw his demon shaking from nervousness. Aziraphale didn’t know why Crowley always expected this from him, but he was determent to find out.

At last, Crowley broke the silence: “Err, Angel?”.

“Yes?” Aziraphale held his voice low, he knew he needed to, otherwise Crowley could get more irritated, which is what happened the first time this happened.

Crowley rubbed the back of his neck, is voice shaking: “C-Could I g-groom your wings?”.

Again, he wondered, why did Crowley always want to see his wings? At first, Aziraphale thought it was for his own comfort, it seemed like it right now too. But after a while, Aziraphale noticed that there was something else too, he could see it in those serpent eyes, even behind the dark glasses.

It hurt to deny his request, but Aziraphale knew he needed to if he wanted to know the reason for Crowleys behaviour: “Oh, It’s alright, my dear. I groomed them yesterday by myself. But thank you for the offer”.

Crowley was taken back by that response. For one, it was because he knew Aziraphale didn’t groom his wings, it was nearly impossible to do that on his own, which is why he hardly ever did it. But also, because this is the first time since this all started that Aziraphale had denied him.

Crowley shifted in his seat, the tension in him rising as panic settled in; What if they were black now and Aziraphale didn’t want him to see?

The next word would usually not leave his throat, it wasn’t a word a demon should say, after all: “P-Please?”.

That struck Aziraphale directly in his beating heart, love dwelling and taking over his mind. The way his demon looked at him, he even took his sunglasses off now, his eyes pleading.

Aziraphale was considering to just do as Crowley wanted, but decided to be stubborn: “I would like to know why, Crowley”.

Crowley knew what he meant but played it off: “Your wings need grooming, you know that”.

“Yes, but why do you insist on seeing my wings every time you rush to the bookshop in the middle of the night?” Aziraphale set his glass down, folding his hands in his lap despite wanting to reach for Crowley.

The demon leaned back, regretting that he set his glasses down, he felt open and bare: “If it bothers you so much, you could just tell me”.

He was getting defensive and that wasn’t going to work.

Aziraphale raised his voice, just slightly, because it hurt: “You know that’s not the case”.

Crowley shifted again, he was getting more and more irritated and panicked. Aziraphale never acted like this before and it terrified Crowley even more, his worst fears were beginning to come true, he feared.

“I know something is wrong, Crowley. Its been so for a while and I am worried” admitted Aziraphale, worrying his fingers once more, his blue eyes never leaving the serpent ones.

“I just wanted to do you a favour, but fine, keep them hidden!” Crowley snapped, his wineglass hitting the table so hard that it shattered into pieces.

The demon got up from his seat and stormed towards the exit. Tears began to form at the corners of his eyes and he tried to blink them away. His fears weren’t confirmed, yet, but suddenly he was too afraid to face them longer. He needed to get away, away from his angel, that he wasn’t too sure about still _being_ an angel at this moment.

Crowley was about to reach for the door, but instead got a handful of the angels waistcoat as Aziraphale materialised in front of the door. The sudden, close contact made Crowley cry out and he stumbled back, almost losing his footing in the process. But Aziraphale was there, grabbing his hand and yanking him back to find his balance.

For a short moment both beings just started at each other. Aziraphale had only seen Crowley cry once before, after his beloved bookshop burned down and the demon was getting drunk to blend out the apparent death of Aziraphale. Seeing him like this again was beginning to make him build tears of his own, two of them rolled down his cheeks.

Crowley remembered why he was trying to flee this place and tried to pull away again, but Aziraphale held onto him for dear life at this point.

“Crowley, dearest, please just take a deep breath!” the angel tried to reason as Crowley struggled against his hold.

The demon was beginning to break down, he was shaking.

His voice was never so desperate, so pleading before as he slowly sank to his knees in defeat, his golden eyes looking up at his angel: “ _Please_ , I n-need to s-see them”.

That was enough for Aziraphale to break too. He too sank down to the floor, his wings spreading out behind him as he embraced Crowley with both his arms and wings.

Crowley leaned against Aziraphale, hiding his face at the crook of the soft neck and shoulder as he, finally, just wept. Aziraphale was there, holding him tight and just a little bit startled when he felt Crowley gently running his fingers through his feathers.

An almost too quiet chuckle went through the series of sobs and it made Aziraphales heart warm a bit.

Crowley sniffled against his skin: “I k-knew you d-didn’t groom them”.

Aziraphale pulled away enough to see Crowleys face, though Crowley didn’t look at him.

“Crowley, please tell me what is wrong…You know you can trust me” said Aziraphale calmly, reaching up to gently comb through Crowleys soft hair.

Another deep sob escaped the demon and he closed his eyes in fear: “I-I don’t want y-you to fall”.

That wasn’t a surprise, really, Aziraphale didn’t want to fall either, but he was sure that he wasn’t going to. “Oh, my dear. There’s no need to-“

But the angel was cut off by a terrified shout from Crowley: “You don’t know that! I-I saw it, angel. I s-saw you fall, I have n-nightmares about it!”.

At last, Aziraphale seemed to put the pieces together: “Is that what happened so often in the past few weeks? Are you seeking out to see my wings to confirm that I am alright?”.

Crowley slowly nodded and leaned back down to hide his face against the angel again: “I-I can’t…Don’t f-fall, _please”._

Aziraphale let his hands run soothingly up and down Crowleys back and nuzzled his nose into the auburn hair on top of the demon: “Crowley, why would I fall? After everything that happened, what could ever make me fall if all that wasn’t enough?”.

Crowley knew he was risking everything, but he voiced his thoughts anyway: “For loving a demon”.

Aziraphale froze. He is a being of love, of course he always felt the love radiating off Crowley and he was sure that Crowley knew about his own feelings too. But they never voiced any of them. It was always to protect the other from harm before and now that they were free to do as they wanted, their fear of consequences was still there for some reason. Old habits die hard and all that.

After he let that statement settle in, he sighed deeply, making Crowley shiver again in fear of being pushed away at any moment. And Aziraphale really did push him away a bit, but only so he could hold the demons face in his soft hands, smiling when Crowley leaned into the touch almost immediately.

“Love” Aziraphale began, his voice strong and confident, because that is exactly what Crowley needed: “will never, _ever,_ be a reason for anyone’s fall from grace. I am an angel, I was created to love and by loving you, I am doing my purpose”.

There was still uncertainty in Crowleys eyes and the demon whimpered, reaching up to lay his hands over Aziraphales, that still rested on his cheeks.

“Y-You sure?” Crowley asked still, his voice quiet.

To prove his point, Aziraphale slowly leaned forward, first just brushing his lips against Crowleys. It was an unspoken question; _May I?_ Crowley couldn’t stop his body, his mind was just catching up to what was about to happen, when it already did.

Crowley leaned towards Aziraphale and met his lips softly but that was soon followed by Aziraphale pulling him closer and pressing their lips together _harder._ Aziraphale had to make sure that Crowley wouldn’t fear for him anymore. Crowleys eyes rolled back into his head, he was feeling rather faint at finally kissing Aziraphale.

When they separated, Aziraphale instantly presented his wings, stretching them wide so Crowley could get a good view. Crowley was afraid to see them beginning to turn black, but they still showed their beautiful white colour, nothing was changing, and Crowley let out a relieved sigh, closing his eyes for a moment.

“See? I will not fall for loving you” Aziraphale reached and took hold of his hands, dragging them to his mouth to kiss each knuckle.

Crowley opened his eyes at the sweet gesture, guilt slowly climbing up his body: “I’m sorry…I should have said something”.

Aziraphale couldn’t deny that, but he still smiled: “Will you talk with me from now on? You don’t have to suffer alone anymore”.

That’s sounded pleasant in Crowleys ears and he nodded in a hurry: “I promise…I’m sorry”.

“It’s alright, I forgive you” said Aziraphale as he pulled his demon towards himself again, kissing him for the second and definitely not last time.

“I love you” Crowley breathed into their kiss, couldn’t hide his smile, not that he cared anymore.

“And I love you, my dear” reciprocated the angel and gently brushed a strain of hair from Crowleys forehead: “And nothing can ever change that”.

And Crowley _believed_ him.

Aziraphale rouse to his feet, gently taking Crowley with him by holding his hands. The angel put his wings back in the ether, not missing the way Crowleys eyes widened in panic for a moment before the demon looked away embarrassed.

Aziraphale caressed his cheek lovingly and smiled calmly: “It’s alright, I´m fine”.

Crowley closed his eyes with a deep breath and nuzzled into the touch, his tense body relaxing. Once the demon was calm enough, they walked back to the backroom.

“Shit, sorry angel” Crowley hissed at himself, more than Aziraphale, and crouched down to collect the shards of glass on the ground.

“Crowley, wait! Be careful” Aziraphale wasn’t able to stop the inevitable and Crowley cursed in pain as he cut himself.

His corporal blood dropped down and mixed with the red wine and Aziraphale went up to Crowley and pulled him away, immediately fussing over his wound.

“Oh, my love” the angel murmured in concentration as he inspected the cut.

It wasn’t deep but it still bleed more than he would’ve liked it to.

“Sorry” Crowley looked at the ground as Aziraphale healed it, biting his lip in more embarrassment.

The least the demon could do is miracle away the mess as he was being healed and Aziraphale was glad for it, no need for further changes of injuries.

When the small wound was healed, it received a soft kiss from the angel, making Crowley blush shyly.

“Sorry” Crowley whispered again, flinching when he looked up at Aziraphale, seeing the angel frown at him.

“You don’t have to apologize for everything, Crowley. It’s alright, you don’t have to be nervous” Aziraphale said, sighing when Crowley still looked like a little child being scolded.

Crowley managed a weak huff at the comment: “M’not nervous”.

The angel chuckled at that: “Of course, my wily demon, how could I ever think that?”.

Crowley sighed in defeat and leaned forward to bury his face at Aziraphales shoulder, inhaling his scent: “How can you be so… _casual_ about all this?”.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” asked Aziraphale, gently combing though Crowleys hair, placing a kiss on top.

Crowley just shrugged, too lost in the feeling of the angels hand in his hair for coming up with an answer.

“I love you, Crowley. I am certain you knew that for a while now, as I knew about your own feelings towards me. We have waited to long for us to be together and I am overjoyed that now I can hold you like this. Kiss you, love you, all I ever wanted” Aziraphale hummed and gently moved Crowleys face up from his hideout to look at him, wiping away a single tear that rolled down the demons face and kissed him.

Crowley arched into the kiss, his hands scrambling to find purchase on his, now, lover.

When the kiss broke, Aziraphale said determinately: “Now I believe there were enough tears for one night. You must be tired, would you like to join me in bed?”.

Crowley startled back at that, his eyes blowing wide: “W-What?!”.

Aziraphale looked puzzled for a second before he realized how Crowley must have interpreted his idea: “O-Oh dear, no, not doing _that_ , at least not yet” and the angel blushed.

Crowley relaxed again, waiting for Aziraphale to explain further.

The angel cleared his throat then: “I mean sleeping. You enjoy that, you have told me. I-I would like to rest next to you, if you want to, of course”.

Crowley seemed to have lost his speech at that point, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he settled on nodding for his answer.

Together they went up the stairs and Aziraphale showed Crowley his bedroom, the demon was surprised to see the angel even had a bed up there.

Aziraphale settled down first, opening his arms as a clear invitation, which Crowley of course accepted. The demon snuggled himself against his angels chest, letting the words _his angel_ melt on his tongue.

Aziraphale started his ministrations again, combing thought Crowleys hair and caressing his back. Crowley was tired, his eyes beginning to drop close and he fought to keep them open, remembering his nightmares.

As always, his angel saw right through him and reassured him: “Sleep, my love. I am right here, I am not going anywhere”.

After those words Crowley gladly lost his struggle with sleep and his body went lax against Aziraphale after a while, the angel then deciding to do the same. They sleep for a full week, Crowley not having any nightmares to wake him up anymore.


End file.
